I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
