I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
