But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
