We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's never too late to be topless.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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