Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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