So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
