me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
