There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
