I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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