i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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