So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
