Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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