wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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