I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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