As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
