Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
