She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
