A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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