i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
