why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
