A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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