Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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