my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
