Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
