As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
