Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
