I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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