The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
