I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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