stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
