You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
