she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
