Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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