I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
