The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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