dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
