You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
