she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
