Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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