So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
