The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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