I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
