Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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