I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
