i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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