My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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