It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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