It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
