I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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