We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
