How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
