OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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