Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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