I want to have your abortion
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
