Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
