it wasn't lemon gatorade
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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