i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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