The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
